Just felt like blogging one random day when the world turns its back on me and drowned me in fear and gloom. Synched my ipod recently after it recovered from its bout of flu. Filled it with oldies from eons ago and one night, I plugged in and gloom set itself over me. Listening to the oldies certainly refreshed my memories but it has also brought along a serving of worries for the ambiguous future that sets before me. From the day we graduated from junior college, I felt that I lost my sense of belonging to the world. It just feels like I don't belong anywhere anymore and I can finally be carefree (at least for awhile), be myself and not live up to others' expectations, do everything my way and eventually find who I really am. I no longer have to follow instructions to live my life. And, I'm free from the place where I didn't want to be in.

But recently, I start thinking about the people I met in my eighteen years of life. I start wondering if the way I lived for the past eighteen years is the way I wanna live my life forever. People enter my life and leave as they like or when circumstances insist so, and on my part, I didn't make an effort to hold them back. Then again, how long do friendships last? There is just this fine line between friends and acquaintances and I often do not where it is. Some people which I once hold dear to have disappeared from my life, while mere acquaintances pop into my life every now and then. After baccalaureate service, how many people I met in high school are gonna stay with me till the very end? And what about those I met in primary/secondary school? It pains me when I realize that in the end, I'm still bound to face all these phases of life. And it hurts more thinking that some day there will be a full-stop to everything in life.

Everyone is selfish and there's no doubt about this. As much as I would like to think for others all the time, there's just this teeny weeny bit of me that would be greedy and want things to turn out the way they were supposed to be. But of late, that hasn't been happening. The whole monotony of life makes me harder to breathe. So much faith and optimism is needed in making things work and that's exactly what I lack and desire.

I desperately need an escape route to outer space where time would stop/slow down for awhile to allow me to catch a breather. Someone please tell me where it is.

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